I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
