I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
