how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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