youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
