Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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