i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
