There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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