I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
