I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
