so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
