i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
