I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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