Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
