I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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