so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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