I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
