They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
