If i come over, it means nothing
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
