Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
