Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
