After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
