I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
