Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
