Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
