You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
