I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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