So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
