I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
