my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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