May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
