I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
