I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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