He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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