I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
