so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
