Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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