I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
