I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
