Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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