also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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