Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
