Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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