She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize