I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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