I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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