The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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