Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
