I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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