I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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