Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
