I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
