I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
