It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
