im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
