Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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