Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
