If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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