I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
