The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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