did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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