He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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