How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
