Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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