I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
