He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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