she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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