Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
