Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
