Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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